Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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