Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He shit in the fireplace
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
