Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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