this beer tastes like vomit already
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
