angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
