and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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