the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
