i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize