Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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