My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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