i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
