How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
