Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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