plz talk dirty to me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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