yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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