I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
