im six kinds of drunk right now
the day after is always just damage control
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
