Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
