I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
