How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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