I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
