Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
