Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
