I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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