I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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