I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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