Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Panties = found
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize