he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
