Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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