I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
