Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
