Dual....:-)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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