and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
