I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
