Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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