Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
