The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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