i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
