So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
