Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
