Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
