You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
