You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
