But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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