sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
