I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
