I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
