Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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