I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if i died would you start the facebook group?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
