I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize