So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
