I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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