i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
