I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My dick has a subreddit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
