if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
