i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
