when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dignity is for republicans.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
