Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am midnight drunk by noon
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
