the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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