i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
