I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize