remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
