Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
