wakey wakey hands off snakey
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
