Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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