Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize