I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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