He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
