I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize