so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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