There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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