Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
