A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
