Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
