i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
